Motivation

For whatever reason, I'm feeling motivated this week. More than usual. Today I was pretty tired but I feel like I'm getting things accomplished this week. I feel a little rejuvinated. My friend told me of a website called flylady.com so I visited and loved it. It teaches you to reduce chaos and clutter in your life. First it teaches you to clean your sink. I mean really clean it. This is to prevent any dirty dishes from entering the sink and sitting there which will, eventually, overflow and cause clutter. So lastnight I was awake till midnight cleaning my sink. I'm on the babystep program for the next month. Each day I am given a task and must complete it. I figured it would be a good program to follow considering the goals I have set for myself this year. Work has been hectic and very exhausting so I hope I can keep this up. So, my bedtime tonight is 10 o'clock. No exceptions.Oh, and I must shine the sink before I go to bed.

It's been a while....

It's easy to fall off track. My last post was 11 days ago. Since then I have been quite busy. Busy with house improvements, work, work, and more work. I've been working out. Not as much as I would like but I'm making the effort. Pacing myself on the treadmill, working towards the long haul. It's been 27 days since my last purchase on myself. I was at work today and walked by American Eagle. It's going to be so hard not to buy anything for myself. I'm really being tested by the elements. I kept repeating to myself as I walked by the store "you don't need it, you don't need it, you don't need it. You have pleanty of clothes at home, and in which no way will anyone remember a new dress you wear." Then I told myself to be content with what I have.
My goal of paying off my debt is moving at a slow pace. Tax season is here. Yippie!!!!! I'll be able to repay my debt, finally. It's staying out of it that's the problem. I guess it's a problem if I make it one though.
As far as college goes, not much has happened. Well, nothing has happened actually. Classes begin in May. I really need to set a course to get myself started. Ugh.

It's easier to dream

Working toward my resolutions is a little harder than I thought. But of course nothing is as it seems. I spent the majority of my paycheck. $250 for the backsplash and I had to buy groceries costing me $62.  I get paid again in two weeks and have decided to start another project. Which is making a cushion seat for the bay window. Hopefully it will cost no more than $100. Hopefully. Even though I'm spending money, I don't feel I'm spending it on unnecessary things. Clothes, shoes, handbags, makeup, jewelry. I have more than plenty of those things and they just sit in my closet until the next trend of the year comes in and replaces it. My boyfriend and I do have a lot of house projects to get done. A new bathroom, new carpet, closet renovations, roofing, insulation, remodeling the garage and screened in porch, new siding for the barn. It's an old house that needs a lot of work so I think spending my money on something we need in order to make this house a home is justifiable.
Anyway. I have been slacking on working out. My treadmill, which I got for free from a coworker, does not work. I'm pissed. It's winter which makes it difficult and unpleasurable to run outside. Although it has been a very mild winter, 40 degree weather has been our average so far this year, except the past few days has brought snow and very cold temps. Tomorrow is Monday and they're calling for 40 degrees. So I'll make the effort and run outside. I should rethink my diet. Lately I've been craving junk. I guess that's because my metabolism is down, nor have I been taking vitamins. So tomorrow will be the day I pull out the workout DVDs and hit the running trail, take my vitamins and eat raw fruits and veggies and a few protein shakes. I'll make it a good day.

Finally

Today I woke up early enough to get a head start on my day. Not much was on the list and it's only 3:40 in the afternoon. Today was the first day I worked toward my resolution of getting ready for the Shamrock Shuffle in Chicago. Went for a brisk walk and slight jog at a local park. Didn't want to work my body too much, considering I haven't ran since last summer. As far as not spending my money on unnecessary things, I've been doing really well. (May I remind myself it's only been 10 days since my last purchase on myself) I work in retail so I'm surrounded by corporate greed that insinuates I must have this to be happy and to live my life to please people I don't like in order to make them jealous of the things I have. So, I have to tell myself I can't afford this new floral spring dress or pink ballet flats that I've been eyeing every time I go to work. (Honestly speaking, I really can't afford it. My value is less than $0 according to my bank account.) I have to buy food and pay medical bills and a car payment for Christs sake!
Anyway. I did work toward my resolution of working out today. I feel like I have a toned ass, defined 6 pack abs and killer bi-ceps every time I work out. But realistically I probably look like a chubby kid having an asthma attack in gym class. So much for the confidence boost.

A change will do you good

First day back to work after being gone 3 days. I'm so tired. The amount of pay does not add up to the amount of stress my job entails. My boss is a real snob who looks down at others because she can't find her way off her high horse. I am expected to do way more than what I get paid for. My thoughts and opinions do not matter, even though I am the manager of my department. No matter how hard I try to make others happy, I still get no support. Or maybe I do but it's not the kind of support I was hoping for.

So with that being said, today I realized that I can't wait for someone to hand me something to be ambitious or happy about. I have no ambition because I haven't created it. I have no happiness in a lot of things because I haven't seeked for it. Life is not a hand me down. It is what you make it. It changes when you make the change yourself. You're not waiting for your life to begin. Your life is waiting for you to begin the change.

Reminders

Today was a good day. There was a little tiff with some of my family members earlier in the week. My niece who I am very close with had an argument with my brother (her uncle) and some things were said that hurt her feelings. I won't ramble on about it but my parents, her mother and myself all became involve and the entire incident was blown out of proportion. My niece lives in Indiana and is here with us for a couple weeks and she also has other family members to visit. She ended up leaving my parents house, with whom she was staying with, and went to her other aunts house and was determined to stay their the rest of the week because she didn't want to be around my brother. I was able to discuss the entire issue with her today and helped her to realize that it's not okay to run from her problems. Apologies were made between everyone and now she is with my parents. This entire event helped me realize that as human beings we simply run on our own emotions and how we feel without considering the feelings of others. We dwell on our own emotions and become so selfish that we forget the realities of the problem at hand and we don't consider the options we have to handle ourselves properly. It's so easy to point the finger and judge others. We allow ourselves to become so consumed with other peoples issues when really, the way others live their lives has no affect on how we live ours on a daily basis. If we torment, and judge others for the decisions they've made, talk negatively behind their backs, are we any better than they are? These past 3 days have really made me think about how childish human beings can be.
Anyway. I took my niece and nephew shopping today. They are going back home on Thursday. We were in American Eagle (my favorite store) and found myself looking at things to buy for myself when really I had every intention on spending my money on them. I had to remind myself that I don't need this dress that was so pretty and would look so nice to wear. And it was on sale so that makes it even better to buy! It's starting to sink in. Not buying anything that is simply a want and not a necessity. I didn't buy the dress. I'm proud of myself, don't get me wrong, but what I'm most proud of is simply enjoying time with my family and spoiling them. Today they helped me realized that you don't need to spend money to have fun. Although I did buy them some things, I think I might have made them feel like they needed to find something for me to buy them because I thought it would make them happy. Money isn't everything and material things aren't everything. Those things are replacable. Family and memories you make with them are not. My niece and nephew reminded me how humble they are when they kept telling me "You don't need to buy us anything. We're happy with just walking around."
It's going to be a tough year. I hope I didn't set my goals too high. But I'll be optimistic in the sense that maybe my goals will be a way of.....cleansing. Starting over. Re-creating my universe.

Resolutions

It's January 2nd, 2012. I'm not usually the type to make new years resolutions. Maybe it's because I try not to conform to what society does, what it wants and what it expects. I've never been one to write about my feelings. I guess I always thought it was something silly you see in movies. The kind with battered women, hopeless romantics and overly dramatic teen movies. Anyway, I guess I'm here because I do need someone to talk to. Even if it's just on my computer for no one to see. At least I can get it all out, right? Okay I'm rambling on about nothing.
I guess I started a blog to keep myself focused, occupied and motivated. I'm not very diciplined and find it hard to fight temptation so I'm writing to remind myself of my goals and aspirations. For the past year I've been talking about going to college, getting out of debt, living a healthier lifestyle, saying what I feel, not running away from my problems and I always say "I'll start tomorrow." But that's the problem. Tomorrow will always be here so why not start today? There's a lot that I want to accomplish so I'll work my way up, starting with the most realistic resolution/goal, of course. First, I registered for a 8k run. My goal is to get on the treadmil 3-4x a week. I have until March 25. I did this last year and finished in 50 minutes. This year I want to finish in 40. I have a feeling I'll be my only motivater for this, considering I don't get much from loved ones. Next, I want to get out of debt. Teach myself that I don't need shoes, clothes, bags or anything that we are told we need to be happy. I'm going to, for one year, not buy any of those things. I will do with what I have and remember why I have it. This should help with my $6295 debt. Next, I want to go to college. I'm 23 and feel like I haven't accomplished anything. I've been lazy and have been afraid to challenge myself because I've always felt like I wasn't good enough, smart enough to be worth the work. I guess this year will be the year I'll find out....